DATELINE: Busted Mirror Antics
Read All About It! Most Off Off-Season Ever!
Not since Agatha Christie’s the Mirror Cracked from Side to Side, has there been as much ugliness in a looking glass. We would never accuse Tom Brady of being Snow White’s Nasty Queen, but if you ask Alice, Tom has fallen through the mirror to the other side.
Yep, Tom Brady is looking into that mirror every day now and asking: “Why am I only fair? I don’t want to be the fairest of them all. I want to be champeen of the world.”
Since Tom took a hammer to his vanity mirror just a few short months ago, he has been walking like a man without a care in the world. In some circles, it’s called whistling past the graveyard.
That’s despite the fact that he keeps getting hit in the head every week multiple times, thanks to his porous offensive line. Blame the shattered mirror of his own making.
The main victims of his smashed mirror are his supporting players, dropping like flies.
Yes, #12 has cursed his entire team, even though he seems to be Teflon Tom.
The latest victim of the busted mirror: Dont’a Hightower will be out the rest of the season after surgery on his pectoral muscle. The man with an accent mark immersed in his first name is a staple of the defense. Replacing him will not be easy. Next man up will be a poor photocopy.
On top of that, Tom’s substitute Wes Welker/Julian Edelman/Danny Woodhead/type of player is the notable nutcase Danny Almondola Amendola. Now he too is hurting badly, barely able to practice. Ditto for Chris Hogan who has even lost a few teeth this past game with smash-mouth football.
How many more Patriots will bite the dust before Tom’s Magic mirror is glued back together?
We searched the Internet for a means to stop the curse. The news is not good: you must bury all the shards and pieces of the broken mirror in a midnight ceremony. Yikes.
Light some candles for Tom.
The way things are going, and the pace at which he is losing his best players, we feel the Patriots’ goose will be cooked by Xmas.