DATELINE: Likely Headlines You’ll See
With the Easter celebrations looming, we have three possible headlines for the Hernandez jury.
First is our least favorite: “Hernandez Crucified by Jury!”
Second is another unpopular possibility: “Hernandez Rises on Easter Weekend!”
Third is ever more frighteningly possible: “Hernandez Hung Jury”.
Of course, the possibilities grow in Boston: “Blooming Hernandez, Not Guilty!”
We do like: “Good Friday: Hernandez Guilty!”
Or, on Marathon Weekend in Boston: “Hernandez Runs Away from Justice!”
We are also ready with: “Patriots Day for Hernandez!”
“Springtime for Hitler & Hernandez” is for those who like ironic celebration.
“Shot Heard ‘Round Foxboro,” can go either way. Take it or leave it.
To honor Paul Revere and Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, we thought about: “Hardly a Man is Now Alive!” and “Don’t Shoot till You See Whites of Their Eyes!”
Boston is also celebrating Random Acts of Kindness this weekend. We wonder if the jury will show mercy to Hernandez and send him back to his Shirley prison cell. Shirley, we jest.
To honor Joan Baez and Jose Baez, our headline “Where Have All Flowers Gone?” has a springtime lilt.
Of course, it is far more likely we will lead with “Belichick Vindicated!” We have now learned that Belichick was served with a subpoena and ignored it.