DATELINE: Avoiding Witness Stand
While deliberations of the jury entered the fifth day, reports came forth that Jose Baez did indeed try to subpoena New England’s head coach, Bill ‘Don’t Call Me Swami’ Belichick.
We learned that old Belichick has the speed and agility of a young Dak Prescott by managing with guile, speed, and legal talent, to avoid the process servers of Baez.
Apparently Baez is not too smart when it comes to finding someone to serve his summons. Reporters have been able to find Belichick everywhere since the season ended, including the front row of the parquet at Boston Garden for a Celtics game.
Alas, they could not reach Belichick. His armed guards must be better at blocking the enemy than Tom Brady’s linemen.
NFL law means never having to answer to a court summons. So, Belichick called Judge Jeffrey Locke to see if there were any ramifications in avoiding testimony.
Baez thought he did not finally need Belichick. He seems confident that Hernandez will walk away from the double-murder charge.
Feeling above the law, Belichick gave an interview just five days ago in which he called the Hernandez case “a tragedy” and “heartbreaking.” Yeah, it breaks your heart and bank account when you pay a serial killer $40 million buckeroos—and he starts to shoot people who spill a drink on his clean shirt.
We might think something more profound in its shock might be the coach’s response, but we have learned that from the Pouncey brothers and their “Free Aaron” hats to actual teammates of Hernandez, most NFL participants have no thoughts about a sports version of Jack the Ripper.
Normal people might be indignant at the lack of understanding among athletes when they harbor and protect a killer. It lends the most horrific credence to the amorality of Belichick’s team and the NFL in general.