Red Sox Stricken, Out with Virus at Home

DATELINE: Sick of Baseball Already

Mr. Mucus

The Red Sox have gone viral.

And it’s not pretty. A stomach virus is decimating the overrated team. Well, at least now they have an excuse when the season ends in disgrace.

Reports unlike any we have heard in our history of being a fan have come forth—upchucked like a bad meal. Not only have players run off the field like they were trying to bunt to reach base, but even the broadcaster bailed out of the booth with a case of trotting to the rest room.

Young athletes, in our estimation, live in close quarters with other men and may be susceptible to catching on with a team.  We don’t recall such a decimation in Sox history.

Is there something in the bottled water in the clubhouse? Is it something in the Boston atmosphere? We also noted a few Celtics were recently sick—and even required hospitalization. Thank heavens for Obamacare.

We are taken aback at the hospital visits—as most young men in their primes and prone to six-pack abs are among the strongest of the species unless their occupation is to walk the runway.

What is causing the spate of dyspepsia among our Red Sox stars? We know that teams often now provide prepared meals taken on the road for their players—lest some visiting town sprinkle the dinners and snacks with an unknown substance.

In the meantime, the balls are being played with less than healthy members of the Red Sox.

 

 

 

 

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