Kraft Talks & Fake News Outlets Listen!

 DATELINE:  Billions for Defense

Mr. Kraft to you .jpg Call him Mr. Kraft

Mr. Robert Kraft, as he is known socially around Boston, is now in Phoenix for the NFL meetings. And, he is talking—and talking up a storm.

You will always recognize Bob Billionaire Kraft. He’s the man with the two-tone dress shirts, Brooks Brothers suit, and tennis shoes. Yes, money does have its privilege.

This week he had plenty to say when asked by word hungry media members. You have located the diametric opposite of Bill Belichick in the owner of the New England Patriots.

In a world of football secrets, Bob Kraft is the Edward Snowden of pigskin privacy.

So, what’s up?  Well, Tom Brady will play for seven more years—or until the locusts descend on Foxboro. It’s all right, fans. He’s a GOAT, though Kraft is not a fan of avocado ice cream.

Kraft wants to keep Bill Belichick happy with long life and many championships.  He promised to maintain Swami Belichick on a health regime so he can coach for twenty more years.

The Patriots owner has no intention of trading Malcolm Butler, his unhappiest player, because he is so nice and Kraft likes him. It seems to be the Golden Rule of football ownership.

Though he is Emperor of Gillette Stadium, Kraft must keep a suite ready for Roger Goodell in case he chooses to show up. So, Mr. Kraft is noting that Goodell is welcome to come since the owner has no choice but to say so. Indeed, on the other hand, he believes the Super Bowl victory LI vindicates his entire team—and humiliates Goodell.

There’s an olive branch laced with hemlock.

And, oh, yes, he’d also welcome former Jet Darrelle Revis back to the Patriots—just for good measure.

Advertisements