Jimmy G Plan to Step into Pats Pocket

 DATELINE:  Three Leagues Under the Sea


With so many champs leaving the SS Patriot ship, you’d think they were floundering. But, no, they merely have raised the cost of first-class passage.

As a result, Don’t’a Hightower may be on a lower tower than he expected. Without a franchise tag, he could be adrift.  Like so many Pats before him, he may take the money and run. Chris Long has announced a hardy thanks to fans—and he has jumped ship, looking to take his Super Bowl ring to another bunch of losers, as his career gets back on second-rate track.

And, Martellus (Don’t call me Marty unless you are a friend) Bennett has scorned fans for suggesting he should remain on board the Patriot ship for less money.  Gronk has given a blessing to go high roller on a low-ball team. So long, Marty.

That leaves us with the Jimmy G sweepstakes. Many experts claim the Patriots are looking for a boatload of picks and players for the young quarterback.

Not so fast, come reports from the bridge of Gillette Stadium. They love Jimmy Garoppollo too much to let him part—this year.

Insurance policies for ancient GOAT Tom Brady are too expensive to let Jimmy walk away on water.

He may become Robin to the Brady Batman for one more year.

Nobody wants to kick that pretty face out of his cheap canvas bunk. Jimmy may play more games in 2017 to give old Tom a chance to sit in his rocking chair on the sidelines.

We just bought stock in smelling salts. We want to see Jimmy sniff away one more season. Don’t rock the boat.