DATELINE: Mr. X Dines with Trump & Kraft
A mystery dinner guest has confounded the sports world.
President Donald Trump and his wife Melania hosted Japan’s Prime Minister and his wife. Also along for the dim sum is Patriots’ billionaire Robert Kraft.
Mr. Kraft’s date for the night is an unknown, burly man, presumed by most to be another member of the billionaire’s club.
The New York Times and even the New York Post were in the dark as to the man who came to dinner. In an effort to keep up the spirit of fake news, we believe we can offer some suggestions.
The highest authority informs us that it is not Tom Brady because Melania and Tom’s wife Giselle Bundchen will not stand for the same Polaroid.
We know too that the mystery man is not Martellus Bennett, LaGarrette Blount, or Devin McCourty who refuse to be in the same picture with President Trump.
We have ruled out any of the federal Circuit Court judges whose stupidity is well-known to President Trump.
It is possible this guest is the man supposed to pick up the dinner tab. However, sources are indicating that this unknown man is Donald Trump’s Official Food Taster.
This is a position that serves both in the National Security and in the Kitchen Cabinet. We have heard that he is not yet confirmed by the Senate, but he is on the job—eating up a storm before the President does.