Super Bowl LI: First Half, and Lost Hope

 DATELINE:  NOT SO OK CORRAL

Shoot-out was not exactly the right term to be used in the game. Blow-out seemed more appropriate, and the blowers were the Falcons. Like Bluto, they blowed down Popeye Brady.

If there was one ubiquitous Patriot who dominated the first half, it was Rob Gronkowski. He suddenly made appearances in the expensive commercials during the game seem interesting. He appeared in at least two: one with his old buddy Justin Bieber, and another with Terry Bradshaw for Tide detergent.

Tom Brady was the one with the hot sauce spilled on him—and he was unable to throw to Gronk to clean up the mess.

Raspberry turnovers had not been a problem for the Patriots until this SB. LaGarrette suddenly had moist fingers, and Brady tossed the ball to the wrong side. It was highly uncharacteristic of what the Revenge Tour was all about.

If Whiskey Sour happened to be your favorite drink, the hemlock special was being prepared. We had not seen such despondency since the team went undefeated and blew their Super Bowl expectations.

With all due respect, the Matty Iceman seemed sharp—and the Patriots looked like they put their money on the wrong team.

If Belichick was not making out his shopping list in a little notebook on the sidelines, perhaps he will make some major adjustments in the second half—or perhaps the Patriots plane will depart early from Houston.

As much as we may want to blame the Goodell referee squad, the men in stripes seemed to give the Patriots three first downs—to no avail. The Pats were taking no charity this night.

Someone forgot to tell Tom Brady to fasten his seatbelt because it was about to become a bumpy ride.

The only reinforcements to help the Patriots were not available.

Someone ought to call Lady Gaga to start her show early. It began to look like Roger Goodell knew “something” about the game that led him to give several smug press conferences during the week.

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