GE Whiz: Celtics as Paid Companions

DATELINE:  Free Money

affluenza sufferer Celtics Gold

Word has leaked from the transformers of Boston that the Celtics next season will put a paid logo on their uniforms. The logo will belong to General Electric, a major corporation that recently relocated to take its headquarters to Boston.

This news has electrified Celtics fans.  GE also owns Comcast that owns the cable provider for the team.

What has not been revealed is that the patch on the uniform will actually be controlled by electrodes. A secret patch will be on the inside seat of the pants, near the near and dear big balls of the game.

Coach Brad Stevens will be able to give shocks to various players out on the court. This likely means he intends to get more bang for buck.

If it has been suggested the log on the seat of the pants may better motivate one player to listen to his coaches.  A gametime shock given to Marcus Smart will actually force him to toe the line. It could mean a shock to Isaiah Thomas will help him jump another foot in the air, thereby reaching heights of the big men.

The GE logo sends powerful energy and a few a few dollars more into the coffers of the Celtics.  As a result, they’ll be able to sign a major star next year.

In the meantime, other teams are thinking about logos on their uniforms. Among the possibilities for the Philadelphia Sixers shall place Kraft Philadelphia cream cheese on their uniforms. The New York Knicks are thinking about using the Pillsbury doughboy. And Cleveland Cavaliers make out with any product that has an eye “I” on it, like an iPhone, iPad or an iPod.

As Terry Rozier of the Celtics noted, “I like free money.”