Tom Brady Sleep-eze: Time to Hit the Mattresses

 DATELINE:  Business of America

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Tom Brady pajamas are creating a bedtime stir. A new line of Tom Brady products may become this era’s hula hoop.

We have to admit that satirizing a satire is difficult is best, but with a good night’s sleep in Tom’s PJs, we are willing to give it a try. As the QBC logo states, it’s almost like you’re sleeping with Tom Brady. Be still, your heart.

For those who must see it to believe it: here is a link to Tom’s sleep habits. Click here.

Infused with copper particles that have helped so many aging athletes recover their youthful power, Tom’s new PJs are allegedly a new kind of under armor technology that retains your essence, thus enhancing sleep.

As Tom demonstrates, you sleep standing up on a revolving pedestal for added rest.

A few humorless diehards are insisting that Tom’s new line of sleepwear and sleep aids are all part of an FTC fraud that may cause sleepless nights for those who choose to invest in a sure-thing. We defy anyone with sleep apnea to refuse help from Tom Brady.

Alas, no one knows how to order them on QBC, Tom’s own TB12 commercial network where all his products are hyped.

One product provides white noise, or something akin to it, we are particularly interested in Tom’s “whale sounds.” They are guaranteed to put you to sleep, preferably during Super Bowl halftime shows.

You can also read Tom’s new book that will also put you to sleep after reading the introduction.

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Tom models his pajamas for on-air host of Infomercial.

Everything Tom touches turns to gold—and the QBC network of products is sure to become a bullish market.

For those who need to hold onto something during sleep, there is now the Tom Brady Teddy Bear that will speak three phrases that are unmentionable, when squeezed, during the QBC Network commercial.

We aren’t sure if Julian Edelman owns one, but we know he is envious of anyone who does.

We hate to deflate the egos of those with money to burn, as Tom refers to those who are suckers in his commercial when one calls in to QBC with his opinion, but we think we have been put on by a man setting records and creating statistical anomalies.

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