DATELINE: Jabaal the Hutt?
When asked about his defensive players, Coach Swami Belichick became defensive.
Media questions always are offensive at Gillette Stadium, even from the reluctant to make waves local press. But, the press pulled no punches when asking about the “benching” of Jabaar the Hutt Sheard, whose behavior resembles Mr. Christian on the Bounty.
We know who has been set adrift—and Sheard is no Marlon Brando.
And, Belichick is like Charles Laughton: Henry the Eighth and Captain Blight roled into one. All spelling deliberate. Twenty lashes with a wet noodle for Sheard. His pal Jamie Collins was sent to Siberia, now located in Cleveland, and Sheard wants his own gulag.
To top off the defensive realignment in Foxboro, another defensive star starter will be a non-starter for four weeks. Yep, Alan Branch has been pruned by the NFL for allegedly using marijuana before it is legal in Massachusetts in December.
Someone should have informed him that the liberating vote did not repeal usage immediately.
If you have a sense that the SS Patriot boat has been rocked, you probably have already headed for the lifeboat with Captain Bligh Belichick. We are not witnessing anything akin to the Caine Mutiny or Mutiny on the Bounty, but we do think Bounty paper towels won’t be able to clean up this mess. You Caine count on it.
Will this rock the Patriots, preventing an appearance in the Super Bowl? Or will it send them to the Toilet Bowl without a thought of the post-season, thus ruining Brady’s revenge?
Stay tuned, all you defensive stooges. Slowly, Swami Belichick turns…step by step….