Early Fan Voting for the Patriots Throws Score into Funk

 DATELINE: Vote Early and Often!


Sports pundits are almost as arrogant as CNN commentators. On the Monday before the surprise election of Donald Trump, they had him sinking faster than a pass interference call in the NFL.

Now we have canvassed the sports pundits and found, to a man, they are picking the Patriots to trash the Seattle Seahawks.

No one has found a secret email from Pete Carroll that disdains the notion of ball security. Indeed, Carroll insists that he has not yet hit the glass ceiling. Most of the Seahawk playbook emails have been purged.

As for the misogynistic Patriots, Tom Brady insists that his support for Trump was overblown, like a four game suspension for lack of hot air. Now Tommy B tells us that he will only do what his semi-billionaire wife tells him. Mum’s the word.

What can you say about guys who marry supermodels like Giselle and Melania?

As to the all-important score, something akin to a spread for gamblers, the Electoral map shows more Patriot red than Seattle blue. However, fans refuse to count on the big men to poop out, unless he happens to be Russell Wilson or Richard Sherman.

We think the Patriots likely to take the three big areas of the game by the slimmest of margins. You can never tell. Pete Carroll may win the popular fan vote, but Belichick will walk away with the electoral college points-after.

If Seattle wins this game, you can count on the social media going into upheaval and riots in the streets of Cambridge as fans demand a recount.

Tom Brady’s promise to make the Patriots great again is now resonating with white males and the under-educated. Belichick insists they are building a defensive wall to keep out those who do not stand for the National Anthem.

Thank heavens that football is apolitical.