Ready to Wear: Jaylen Brown Goes Green

DATELINE: Don’t Call Him Shorty


Celtics rookie Jaylen Brown may start to look like Larry Bird if you focus on the lack of air circulating through his uniform shorts.

The baggy at the knees look causes a dribbled ball to go where no bouncing ball should go. It’s either that, or no NBA player should ever dribble between the knees.

Jaylen Brown knows how to play chess. And, basketball requires fancy moves for your average queen, but custom underwear moves too. He has gone throwback when it comes to moves of the 1980s. We first thought he resembled Dee Brown in Green. Now we know it the 1986 champs we see in mesh material.

He disdains shorts that resemble a hoops skirt.

There are only so many places you can go in short shorts of the NBA.

We always like to see the pendulum swing back. We have kept ties in our closet older than Jaylen Brown for the occasion when all that investment in paisley silk pays off again

Jaylen Brown also wants to bring back dimpled knees. In college, that ironclad monolith that prevents free spirits from experimenting, they would never allow Jaylen the chance to show off his assets. They stopped him from developing a big tool in his game: how to run down the court like a jaybird.

It takes a small pair to make a big man. Knowing how basketball players reach out to grab anything that dribbles past them, we see that Jaylen Brown has shortened the option.

Fans love a man in a uniform that makes Under Armor more important. Jaylen insists his uni preference is not a style faux pas, nor does it mean he is a Trailblazer from Portland. No, indeed, he is a Celtic through and throwback.

He insists, “I’m doing me.”  We give full credit to the site that keeps an eye on the cruising passions of the NBA—and thank them for bringing shorties to our attention.

We refuse to call Jaylen, “Shorty.”