DATELINE: Miss Understanding, 2016
Now we understand the NFL.
According to Roger Goodell this week, the domestic violence policy of the NFL is misunderstood by the public. Oh, the ignorant fools of the hoi polloi are once again the true miscreants.
Yep, you, sir or madam, resident, member of the household, who buys NFL merchandise, watches the product, and spends thousands on going to games, YOU are the problem.
Apparently we can extrapolate and conclude that, according to the commissioner, the public misunderstanding is likely at the root of the Deflategate problem, the Spygate problem, and the problem of problems. Take that, Adrian Petersen. Your punishment, changing daily in the NFL office of discipline, is the public’s fault.
We are now seeing Goodell in his true dominatrix outfit, cracking the whip. No, wait, that’s a public misunderstanding. We should see Goodell as the sheriff of a lawless community—or is that the public misunderstanding?
Goodell thinks the general public misunderstood the domestic violence perpetrated by drunken Josh Brown of the Giants. We misunderstood because in the NFL, all abusers are men of color. They receive the strongest punishment—unless you are Tom Brady, then you receive the worst punishment.
We trusted the NFL. Clearly a public misunderstanding of trust. We trusted billionaire owners. Clearly we have a misunderstanding about the power of money.
Oh, the ratings are down for NFL games. It must be a public misunderstanding of football’s importance.
We are certain only of one thing. Wife-beaters are treated lightly, and criminals and ball deflators dominate the ranks of the NFL. Unfortunately for the sheriff, he cannot tell them apart without an expensive NFL program, for sale only to paying customers.