Little Man Among Giant 49ers
We keep wondering what songs could replace the “Star Spangled Banner” before NFL games in order to help Colin Kaepernaeck rise from his torn ACL(U) knee.
Perhaps if marching bands played “Puff the Magic Dragon,” he would be forced to appreciate the legalization of marijuana on his feet. Perhaps one of the refs could give him a seven count and let him go to a neutral corner.
Perhaps the squatting QB needs the inspiration of Mr. Tambourine Man, helping him by playing a tune just for him. Would Colin rise to the occasion if Bob Dylan sang “Everybody Must Get Stoned” or “You don’t know what’s happening, do you, Mr. Jones?” though we feel that he has a great deal of respect for N’Sync and their hit, “Money, Money, Money.”
Considering his inky body, we think he might respond if the speaker system blared out Groucho Marx singing “Lydia the Tattooed Lady,” with images of Washington crossing the Delaware where on a clear day you can see Alcatraz.
We doubt Kaepernick would stand if Lady Liberty entered the room, or any lady for that matter. His depiction of Manners the Butler has gone the way of Sapington.
Colin won’t even stand by his man, or fellow teammate. Tammy Wynette, not withstanding.
Maybe 76 trombones need to goose him in the wazoo, or he needs Mack the Knife to stick him in a soft spot.
You may want to stand up and cheer next time he throws a touchdown, but you would better be advised to sit on your hands.
It’s hard to “Stand and Deliver” when you are sitting on the dock of the San Francisco Bay.