Jimmy Garopollo’s First Communion

 DATELINE:  First Timer

Garoppolo Nothing to Hide, Nothing to Fear

Some fans have already pushed the panic button. The Patsies are beginning the 2016 season in Arizona playing the Curia Cardinals. Holy mackerel.

It’s bad enough that Monsignor Chandler Jones will be leading the opposing forces, having switched sides after falling into coach B’s doghouse for wayward pops who smoke fake marijuana and confess all too much.
Far worse is the fate of having no Tom Brady starting your game, staffing your season with optimism, and starting a drive to the Super Bowl.

Back at Gillette Stadium, the Patriots are flying a huge banner of Tom Brady’s saintly visage on the lighthouse for lost ships, bringing luck like a patron saint to the lost teammates left adrift in the flotsam of the NFL.

Alas, the Compatriots were not allowed to bring the huge banner of Pope Tom to Arizona. Strike one.

The second strike may be Jimmy G (as he is now called for those who cannot spell G-g-garrottebelow).

The third strike is the oddsmakers, playing like little asps on the bosom of Cleopatra. Yes, the asps will have their way by making the Repatriates the underdogs.

As if wish fulfillment by Roger Godown, the first Patriots game is held on primetime Sunday night to garnish the embarrassment of not having Brady available.

Jimmy G faces a baptismal of fire in hot, arid Arizona.