Marcus Smart’s New Hairline Fracture

 DATELINE:  Parting the C’s New Hairdo

Smarting from Wince


The bad news is there is not much Boston Celtic star Marcus Smart can do to improve his looks.

The good news is that there is not much he can do that would make himself look any worse.

His new antediluvian hairstyle revealed this week has managed to knock Colin Kaepernick off his flagpole sitting stunt.

If there was an angel sitting on Smart’s shoulder during the visit to the hairdresser, his wings were clipped as well.

Icarus fell from the sky after this hairstyle took off.

Marcus should go to the head of the supermarket check out line, knocking Peyton Manning’s ugly bathrobe off the coupon list.

Smart’s new look makes Ryan Lochte look like a dishwater blonde.

This sugar bowl haircut seems to evince curds and whey. Something has curdled way beyond the expected.

If you stick a feather in this haircut, you can call it macaroni.

We believe this is the first bona fide example of b-ball hairball the cat dragged in.

If he is lucky, young Marcus will soon be at the Hair Club for Men.

Smart’s smartphone uses his head as a Bluetooth receptor.

Director Cecil B. DeMille could have used this headshot as the climactic moment when Moses parted the Red Sea. This C-section parallel has more parts than a movie with a cast of thousands.

The winner of HORSE wears this haircut. We cannot imagine what the loser looks like, perhaps a horse’s rear.

This was the look the Bride of Frankenstein worked so hard to achieve.

We can only say in Smart’s defense that Lady Gaga is jealous, but we hope there is a pot of gold for the Celtic leprechaun at the end of this rainbow ‘do.