DATELINE: 2007 OR BUST!
Grab your soap-on-a-rope, New England Patriot fans. For Tom Brady, practice makes perfect. He will be practicing with legends of yesteryear.
Tom Brady will be holding court in his Hot Tub Time Machine in September during his four-game suspension.
For his upcoming hiatus from NFL football, Tom Brady is building a time machine in his backyard. For four weeks, September will become 2007, Brady’s peak year.
He intends to re-create the year 2007 down to the finest detail.
To do this, he cannot have any contact with current NFL players. So, he intends to bring back his best receivers, which includes Wes Welker and Randy Moss. Also high on his draft list is Kevin Faulk.
Tom will also bring back youthful Matt Light and Tedy Bruschi. This will give him an opportunity to work against the best defense.
That’s not enough. Tom is acquiring as many 2007 newly created iPhones from the year of their first appearance. He will smash each one before a cut out picture of Commissioner Roger in the Dell. This will be a precursor to Gronk’s famous spikes that weren’t invented yet.
Tom’s musical inspiration will include Justin Timberlake tunes. This was back before Tom attended MMA events with Justin. It will be zippity doodah time.
What this all means to the NFL will be distressing.
Tom Brady is going to turn back the clock in preparation for his return to football. In October 2016, Tom will return as a youthful version, re-tuned and ready. Tanned and rested.
The NFL will be in for a shock. Tom Brady intends to return with a vengeance.