Tom Brady Sells Suave

DATELINE: Going to the Mattresses

Tom Brady may be preparing for a four-game suspension by rehearsing his next role—as the newest James Bond.

If a TV commercial can ever be an audition, it would appear that Tom Brady has raised the bar for Gronk, whose endless showy commercials now look like Three Stooges shorts.

In a product endorsement as elegant as Elizabeth Taylor’s perfume commercials, Brady appears as a black op for Beautyrest.  Whether on the gridiron, or on the mattress, Tom seems to belie his 40 years.

If anyone knows about beauty rest, it is Tom. He looks so elegant in black that Johnny Cash would be jealous.

When Tom Brady does a commercial, you can count on the fact that it will be more artful than Last Year at Marienbad, or even Antonioni’s Red Desert. There are Academy Award short films that do not meet the exacting standards of Brady’s pitch for Beautyrest Mattress.

All he needs in his room is a mattress—no other accoutrements. One presumes if you had Tom in your bedroom, you had the ultimate accoutrement.

The concierge actor does his best Peter Lorre imitation—and Tom out-acts wooden Daniel Craig as the blackest of ops.

Not since secret agent Maxwell Smart made his entrance have we seen such a lead-in. Sorry about that, Chief Belichick, indeed.

Now we are ready to see Roger Goodell as Blofeld or Blowheart, or Goldfinger in Tom’s Supreme Court adventure.