Tom Brady Cookbook

DATELINE: Strictly from Hunger Games

Pablo Sandovar Enjoys Avocado Ice Cream!

If you are a fan of Tom Brady and into nutrition, you are about to lose $200 worth of ugly wallet fat. Yes, Tom’s new book on how to eat healthy will strip you of more than a few inflated calories.

Already, starving minions have forked over big bucks to have and to hold the food pyramid’s antidote.

Tom Brady eats no fat and his wife eats no lean. This means they don’t eat like normal folks. As the Duchess of Windsor once told us, “You can never be too thin or too rich.”

Tom and his wife live the mantra.

In this cookbook you won’t find dairy products, fruit, bread, or other costly items. Tom won’t eat these—and if you spend $200 on his book, you won’t be able to afford decent food for a month. So, you won’t be eating any of his forbidden fruits.

The book reportedly has a secret recipe for avocado ice cream, which happens to lift Tom’s spirits. He even stuffs under-inflated footballs with the stuff.

It, alas, is not a food stuff. Tom’s favorite delicious ice cream is not made with cream, flavoring of any fruit, or real ice. We think it is comprised of either plastic or splinters of cardboard.

We just hope he can serve some of this delectable to Roger Goodell when he is forced to eat crow by the US Supreme Court.

Julia Child has not endorsed this cookbook, and we suspect she might say, “Mal Appetit!”