Johnny Manziel—Man Overboard

DATELINE: Boyziel, Boy Wonder


If you’re indicted by a grand jury for domestic abuse in Texas, you must be a bad boy.

They don’t take lightly the sanctimony of a heterosexual relationship in Texas. It’s where gay marriage is anathema, and where heterosexuality is next to serfdom.

So, when former football flash Johnny Boyziel was indicted for abusing his girlfriend, you know he must be a bad man.

We use the term ‘man’ advisedly. Manziel is the guy you send into a boy’s game to do a half-assed job.

Apparently, Boyziel needs more strength training. In his nasty attempt to imprison his girlfriend and drag her back to his man cave by her hair, he failed miserably. She escaped.

Nitwits being what they are, we doubt that Johnny Be-Bad learned a lesson through any of this. He continues to party like it’s 1999. And we all saw what happened this week to the man who invented partying like 1999. His world now is lavender in remembrance. Just ask Boy George.

Most women have now dumped Johnny Boyziel because no NFL team will give him a million-dollar contract—thus causing the effect that no woman will give him a tumble.

Everyone has dumped Johnny—his agents (plural), teams, media hangers-on, and women, leaving only endorsements from booze companies. He doesn’t drink beer usually, but when he does…oh, you know the rest.

He can always find employment in Gotham as a villain.