Time to Re-Name the Boston Marathon

DATELINE: Running Up

We will be the first to suggest that the Boston Marathon should be re-baptized to honor its most impressive role in history: giving other nations a chance to win in the United States of America.

We nominate the Marathon, after 120 years, be called the Ethiopian Marathon, in alternating years with the Kenyan Marathon.

It has not been a homebody running race in decades. In its early days it was confused with the Irish Sweepstakes.

Let’s make America great again by making the Marathon the footrace of the footloose. Perhaps we could have the winner be granted American citizenship. That would keep the spirit in the Know-Nothing Party.

We almost yearn the golden age of Rosie Ruiz who jumped out of a subway stop in Boston to join the race and become the women’s winner. Of course, she was exposed rather slowly.

The Marathon has become so big, it has waves and waves. Those poor souls on the sidelines are waving American flags to an culture in absentia.

Diversity and greed have stolen the race out of Boston, however Strong, and made it economically an international warm up for the Olympics. Alas, it is not warm enough for Americans. Those warming up come from Africa with a chuckle in their hearts.

Perhaps it is time to downsize this event—and put it a month earlier on St. Patrick’s Day. It could be dubbed the Evacuation Day Marathon to commemorate running the foreign influence out of Colonial Boston.

Put another lantern in the steeple, please.