Carl Crawford Opines on Pablo Sandoval’s Boston Crisis

 DATELINE: Coming from Hunger

Try as we might, we cannot forget one of the worst players who even wore a Boston Red Sox uniform for the most money ever paid. Carl Crawford had a contract for $140million, but always looked like two bits.

He hated Boston and was happy to be shipped off to Shanghai Los Angeles where he has more or less flourished in LA LA Land where no one cares how much you screw up or make in salary.

So, never forgiving, nor forgetting, Carl Crawford once again answered the clarion call for a comment on Boston and the latest scandal: the 800-pound Pablo Sandoval. “It definitely eats at you,” Crawfish noted without acknowledging that Pablo eats at everything.

When the media turns on a player, in Crawford’s eyes, the end is near. One of the biggest whiners in Boston sports history, Crawford said: “We as men can’t whine.”

Crawford made a big play for sympathy for big men with big salaries. It didn’t wash when he was here, and it seems like he wants to hang the Sox out to dry again.

The worst villain since Shakespeare created Shylock and his request for a pound of flesh, Crawford made an impassioned plea to fans and abnormal Red Sox fans that he too was human.

Shylock said, “If you prick us, do we not bleed?” And to win favor, Crawford noted, how superstardom pricks at him. “We bleed too.”

What better analogy could we draw than one an ignoramus makes on himself without knowing? We doubt that Carl Crawford ever heard of Shylock, that expert in usury. Crawford also took advantage of economic times and lived to tell. His unworthy $140million bucks makes him completely unsympathetic.