Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Heartlessness

DATELINE: Tin Pan Alley

Ted Cruz is showing up on our look-a-like, separated at birth photos in the form of a question more than any presidential candidate deserves to be.

If he only had a heart, we feel compelled to intone upon the latest similarity between Cruz and pop culture. If this scares you, it’s probably because the Tin Woodman and Ted Cruz are not in parallel universes. Ted has no heart and no ethics, a double void that no wizard can fill.

Yes, we have been told Cruz resembles Joe McCarthy, sharing so much in common with politics, and we heard that he bears an uncanny appearance to Mr. Haney, from Green Acres. However, it is the shocking Doppleganger as the Tin Woodman in the Wizard of Oz that has set our squeaky wheel to turn in need of some oil, Texas Tea seed money.

Ted Cruz may be iconic in a frightening way because he is so cartoon-like in real life. Cruz sees people as brainless scarecrows.

At first we thought he needed a brain. But clearly that never stopped anyone from becoming president. We also thought he needed less courage, not more, to be lionized by the Emerald City billionaire club.

If Cruz ever becomes caught in downpour, he could freeze up on us at the moist inopportune time. Rusted stiff, only big oil money can loosen him up.

Jack Haley probably never expected to become immortalized by a presidential candidate 75 years after he hit the Yellow Brick Road as a replacement for Buddy Ebsen who had an allergic reaction to the extreme makeup that seems to make Ted Cruz almost look human.

The stove pipe hat would occasionally toot for the Tin Woodman, but Cruz toots all the time without a hat. Toto recognizes an empty suit every time.