Gronk’s La Dolce Vita?

Gronk Doubles His Pleasure

Over at our country club on the bay, we all know the importance of having a motorboat in excellent condition for summer cruising.

To our surprise, a rather busty woman (on the order of Anita Ekberg or Jayne Mansfield) who apparently was on the Mal de Merry cruise with Gronk has sent out a curious tweet.

She said, in exact nautical terminology: “Rob Gronkowski motor boated me today. All is well in the world.”

Being more of an officious sort, we were puzzled that she tweeted that Gronk “motorboated” her.  We did not suspect that Gronk was a mariner; nor do we think he can recite the rhyme of the ancient mariners.

The poem has something to do with a girl in every port, as we recall from graduate English courses.

So, Gronk is now operating a motorboat in the off-season. We would certainly caution him to be on the lookout for rogue waves, and we don’t mean women in the Navy.

In our estimation, the size of the portholes on this young lady would render her more in the Tugboat Annie division of nautical sport. She would– in the parlance of World War II — seem to be wearing a Mae West life preserver—or likely would turn into one if a sailor found himself drowning.

We cannot find it in our imagination to think Gronk would be interested in such baggage, or two bags to be specific. It seems to require heavy lifting, but this acquired taste does entail making noises like a motorboat while deep sea diving. We are holding our breath over this.