DATELINE: Gamblers Anonymous
Our Bridge Team Under Fire!
As an avid bridge player, you have to worry about the latest crackdown. The card game is now bridge over troubled waters.
Senior citizens in Thailand were arrested for being dummies.
The actual suspected crime is gambling, but the oldsters were arrested for having illegal playing cards. Perhaps it was the deck with pictures of Playboy bunnies—or some other sexual deviance well known to Thailand.
Bridge is best played nowadays with a computer that holds all three hands—and surrenders to you when it is your partner as dummy. We suspect Roger Clemens, A-Rod, and Barry Bonds all play bridge.
We have found that computers cheat at bridge. And, everyone knows that computers are programmed by cheating human beings. Machines come naturally into the world as innocents (sort of like playing cards). It is the environment that corrupts games and cards.
Just ask the skilled experts who guess winners of the NFL each week on FanDuel or DraftKings. The corruption quotient is creeping in from the coasts. Hawaii is now joining New York in banning these games of corrupt chance.
We never thought you could make millions playing bridge. Now that the word is out, we expect more young people under age forty will buy a deck of cards and build their empire.
We have decided to cancel any notion of a trip to Thailand. It joins Hawaii and New York as places that are kill-joys when it comes to get rich quick schemes.
Was Bernie Madoff a bridge player? We wouldn’t be surprised.