New England Patriots Distracted & Deflated


DATELINE:   Feeling pretty and stupid

During their playoff bye week, the New England Patriots kept a low profile. No one had to say “Deflate-gate,” in these parts of America.

They did not need distractions and are famous for taking the Great Hoodie’s mantra, “Do Your Job,” to the heights of Super Bowl awareness.

When your team has been decimated by injuries and your fan base is nervous with Nellie tendencies to shriek at the sight of a mouse on the sidelines, you don’t need to have bizarre antics abounding.

To that end, the Patriots kept all things small and unobtrusive, cutting any chance of media hysteria from the Boston-based scandal squad of sportswriters.

What did Belichick’s minions give us to write about? Not much.

Let’s think on it.

We feel like humming “Never on a Sunday,” that marvelous ditty from long ago before Any Given Sunday became the NFL mantra.

The Patriot coordinators were in the news for new jobs. Defensive coordinator and brainiac Matt Patricia took a quick jaunt to interview in Cleveland.

Danny Amendola found himself locked out of his carport.

Tom Brady’s underwear caused a media sensation.

Belichick took his team bowling, instead of practicing for the Chiefs.

Tom Brady announced he never drinks coffee.

Tom Brady and his wife Gisele walked into a movie theater, unannounced and plopped down to watch the NFL bashing film Concussion.

Gronk mysteriously disappeared from practice.

Bill Belichick showed up at a press conference with an inexplicable black eye.

Chandler Jones did a naked strut to the local police station in a confused state, imitating Arnold’s Terminator.

Cue the Boston Pops. We are ready for our Super Bowl Half Time Show.

“Thank heavens for little girls, for without them what would little boys do?”

We almost sound like Maurice Chevalier, singing up a storm with a wink and a leer in our voice. Ho-ho, indeed.