Pod People Possess Patriots

DATELINE:  Dead on Arrival

The Fat Lady never appeared, but the game was over from the start.

In their final regular season game, the last rites were said over the Patriots’ collective, battered body. And then it was left to fester and to rot for sixty minutes.

The signs of abuse were everywhere the Dolphins cared to drop a fin. We thought the Brady clone was an interesting touch by Belichick. Someone wearing #12 was out there, passing for a handful of yards on a half-dozen receptions.

It was like looking at a photocopy of a reproduction of a draft of the Mona Lisa. The smile was there, but it seemed a tad distant, colorless, and bland.

Gronk notably blocked on a few runs. Amendola notably faked on a few fake passes. A fake Gostkowsky clone also notably missed a field goal. And, Belichick notably did nothing on nearly every play. Who were these guys?

In movies they’d be called stunt doubles, but there were no stunts in this game by the Patriots. Trick plays seem to have disappeared with botched coin tosses.

If this is how they will play in the playoffs, we are near the end of the road for this season. Can the Patriots flip a switch? If it is anything like a coin flip, we say run with your tails between your half-dollar heads.

As a testimony to how bad the Dolphins played, they barely eked out their points. It looked like the older brother was under orders to let his baby brother win for a change.

We were not inspired, pleased, nor made to feel confident with the closing weeks of the season. It may be said the Patriots peaked too easily, and we had a peek at a dark future with turkey pod people.