At Long Last, Miami Ices the Season

DATELINE: End of the Line

As bad as it looks for New England with its coins tossed into the fountain, the Charles River, and now into the Atlantic Ocean, things are worse in Miami.

One Dolphin wife has head-butted stadium security and sends out incendiary emails about the quarterback. As far as we know, Giselle has not tweeted out profanities about Julian Edelman.

Of course, media buzzards are now circling the Patriots wagon train, circled against another attack, and noting that Belichick is likely to play the Foxboro High School football team to spare his regulars from any additional injury.

The new coaching staff of Miami already looks old and temporary, like a recycled Depends. Though the Dolphins have home field advantage over the Patriots for the final game of the regular season, we expect this game to look like a reprise of all the guest stars on Downton Abbey in the final season.

The regulars will be no more than a peanut gallery, though we expect Tom Brady will stay on the field until the half-time show.

One supposes there are worse fates than losing home field advantage in the playoffs—half the teams will start that way.

The real issue is whether there is time for healing. Shall we resort to titanium bracelets, voodoo dolls, and kineosin black duck tape, to help the maimed Patriots walk?

Baking in the sun has been a tried and true recipe for recovery for oldsters for decades. Miami Beach is well known for old millionaires taking in the rays. So, we are presuming Tom Brady will bring his sun screen and tan up.