Black Tape Tells the Tale

DATELINE: Tape Worms

 

Beckham is Tapeless

Kineosin is a Japanese form of duct tape, not to be confused with a tape worm, or videotape.

Just call it Quackery.

The Boston Celtics groaners, notably Isiaiah Thomas, seem to be wearing black duck tape all over under his tank top. It is a form of therapy for what ails you.

Houston’s problem during the Apollo missions to the Moon were well-served by black duck tape. Now Coach Brad Stevens has adapted its use on his Boston Celtics players, holding them together in defensive mode with sticky tape, far more preferable than Gorilla Glue.

In modern voodoo parlance, black duck tape is the equivalent of tossing an eye of newt into your boiling cauldron before making an incantation.

Celtics players swear by its success. They swear all the time, but not the way Rajon Rondo used to—and still does.

Putting black tape on your back apparently turns you around to face your ills you know not of. It also gives you your swagger back.

The black duck tape first won fame as the stuff used to build Godzilla models in Japan in the 1950s. After surviving dozens of sequels, prequels, and remakes, the NBA has taped up the solution.

Unlike HGH, the black duck tape is not banned by the NFL goon squad—and Peyton Manning can safely wrap this stuff around his neck and hang himself out to dry.

Tom Brady uses black duck tape to smooth out facial wrinkles. And, Odell Beckham has found it is a useful way to keep that mop attached to his head.

Like it or not, black duck tape is here to hold your stay in place.

 

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