Gronk’s Latest Commercial Endorsement: $$ in Bank

DATELINE:  Money Saving Tips from Gronk

 thank you, ESPN

Gronkonomics may be the next phase of financial spiking.

Yes, Capital One—bank and credit card company—has hired Gronk as their spokesman. This may seem to undercut the economy—or it could mean a bull market. Cash cows are running for tax shelters.

Gronk apparently won the hearts of bankers everywhere when he announced he never cashes his paychecks, but merely banks them. He lives off his product endorsements—which are plenty. He is awash in Dunkin’ Donuts coffee, among other businesses.

Alas, most of us cannot afford not to cash our paychecks. Most fans of Gronk make their millions by betting on FannyDoodoo and BoyKinks, fantasy betting sites.

We may wonder what makes Gronk a nickel squeezer in a world of flagrant fouls and nouveau riche athletes. Being tight with the Buffalo nickel is nothing new for a boy who grew up where the bison roam in Buffalo.

Gronk is hardly spending money on his wardrobe—which remains gym teacher basic. His sneaks may be the biggest cost, but some products are given to him to try out! If he likes them, he signs a contract to endorse the product.

Gronk’s Spartan living quarters feature no art or decorations. He lives with a bed and training equipment. He always can find a bed with his parents, brothers, or sundry admirers everywhere as long as they have an unlimited supply of Polish sausage and Chicken Sue flay.

One of his best friends, who likes to travel in style wherever he goes, dunned Gronk last year for not spending money. When Gronk arranged a trip to Las Vegas for the twosome, it was tied into a promotion for hotels. Of course, we cannot praise profligate Julian Edelman who does not own a coat and lives with a roommate and teammate Ryan Allen.

We are going to try Gronkonomics by saving as much money as possible by not paying the mortgage and withholding tax on our royalties. We will keep you apprised of growth in our bank account.