Don Orsillo Loses His Head to King John Henry VIII’s Order!

DATELINE: John Henry as Queen of Hearts

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Don Orsillo Travels with Red Sox

King John Henry VIII has returned to his thrilling days of yesteryear.

He has called for the head of Don Orsillo on a silver platter.

Yes, the long-time voice of the Red Sox on television has been cut with all the pomp and circumstance owner John Henry can muster this side of a seppuku style suicide.
Known largely for his low key humor and patient tolerance of all things ridiculous, Don Orsillo now must gird his loins for the worst than can befall him. His television network, also owned by King John Henry, has decided the gentle voice and kind words of Don Orsillo do not fit a team that has sunk to the baseball cellar for two years running.

We had no idea that the man announcing the bad lineups ordered by King John Henry was also the fall guy for their failure.

Orsillo had shown grace under pressure while working aside long-time sidekick Jerry Remy whose own travails should have sent him packing years ago. With a series of medical problems and a problem child who committed murder, Jerry Remy has made Orsillo’s life difficult.

When a series of inexperienced and unprofessional partners were dumped upon him, Orsillo had the good grace to make them look almost tolerable. For that he has been rewarded with a vote of no confidence.

Someone with Orsillo’s mellifluous tones will no doubt find work quickly in another venue, better than the third-rate world of John Henry and Tom Werner’s media circus.

We feel compelled yet again to offer our bric-a-bracs to the front office buffoons who now run the Red Sox into the ground on a yearly basis.