DATELINE: Not an Animal!
Bradymodo! or is that Quasi-Tom?
Of all the grave injustices done to Tom Brady, we never suspected that the worst of the worst would come from a court-deigned sketch artist with delusions of Picasso and Munch.
Yes, Jane Rosenberg sketched Tom in court in such a light that she missed the fact that his suit was blue seersucker, not brown off the rack.
The artist took a beating on social media, with good cause. She ought to go and cut off one of her ears to improve her art. She told press and media she had not digested the horror she had committed, saying, she was sorry she didn’t make Tom look prettier. He is, in her estimation, quite pretty.
We thought she threw in a touch of the Elephant Man into her artwork. We expected that Tom would stand up at the hearing and cry out, “I am a man, not an animal!”
Alas, we think the artist is not a fan of Tom Brady. She didn’t paint what she saw—what artist does? She painted the movie she watched the night before going to work. Yes, we saw it immediately—especially the lumps around the eyes.
Rosenberg saw Tom Brady as Quasimodo, as depicted in 1939 by Charles Laughton and MGM’s best makeup men.
Hideous is not a word often applied to Tom, but he was morose in the courtroom, despite the support Judge Berman gave him by grilling the NFL lawyer.
Tom did not laugh, chuckle or guffaw with the rest of the courtroom when jokes were made about deflation. This is serious business for the quarterback, and he wore his game face.
We just never saw before the resemblance between Tom Brady and Quasimodo, Victor Hugo’s bell-ringer.
Someone ring Tom’s bell, please.