DATELINE: Thru the Looking Glass
Tom’s New Incarnation?
Ted Wells is the man who wrote a 243 page report that has found Tom Brady in all probability, maybe, could be, guilty as alleged.
It took Wells 100 days to write this report—which is about 25 words per day. He was handsomely paid by the word, and clearly wanted to inflate his payday.
If Wells were working in the organized crime world, we might call him a “mechanic” or a “hitman.” In the world of literature, we simply call him Franz Kafka.
For the illiterates of sports, Kafka was a writer who dabbled in absurdist stories where people were arrested for unknown crimes by unknown people and put into a surreal and incomprehensible environment. Robert Kraft knows his Kafka and fairly much put his finger on this the other day by calling the report “incomprehensible.”
In Kafka’s world, you don’t need a smoking gun to be guilty. You find a couple of incriminating emails written by glorified ball boys who have access to the dozen game balls.
Since the NFL has no history, nor policy, for measuring the inflation of balls, you can nail Brady on a variety of charges of cheating.
Giving him the needle might be reserved for lethal injection, or for comic relief, but Tom Brady is on the gurney and being wheeled into the Star Chamber for his treatment.
Ted Wells probably, likely, maybe, takes his role model seriously: Torquemada led the Spanish Inquisition. Today he’d work for the NFL as a chief investigator.
Back then, you didn’t need to bother with facts; a good circumstance was enough to join you to the Iron Maiden.
Thank heavens this is the modern age when the worst Kafka Wells envisions for Tom Brady is that tomorrow he will wake up and find he has been turned into a giant cockroach. Yes, that was Kafka’s story called Metamorphosis.
Welcome to your new life, Tom Brady.