Name Game for Bruce Jenner

DATELINE: Portrait of Jennie

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The betting odds on what Bruce Jenner’s new name will be are now reaching the hottie stage.
Brunhilda and/or Precious seem to lead the chorus of baptizers. A few simply want to immerse him nameless in the River Jordan.

Handles are important when you are a celebrity. We think he needs to go with a one-name fashion, like Liberace, or Gronk.

Like most transgender names, it suggests something utterly unlike the previous identity. We think that lets out Wheatie.

Since Chaz Bono has given up his old name, we think a celebrity switcheroo is in order. Bruce should become Chastity, as we suspect there will be few takers in his new role.
Heavens, how many women pushing 70 are in the game nowadays? More than we care to imagine, probably.

Any of the 1980s TV miniseries stars may be good role models for Bruce. When he was appearing with the Village People in movies, Crystal and Sue-ellen were the hot gals of celebrity fiction.

As a child of the 60s, we think he should go with one of the names that suggests flowers in his hair, like Daffodil—or Daisy.

With his change of sex, he has lost the rights to the name Minnie.

We do hope he will donate his organ to a good cause. There must be people who have suffered severe loss in industrial accidents who’d be overjoyed to have a new appendage that has been where celebrities like to hang out. We don’t want to find his lost member up on e-Bay for sale in a pickle jar.

In any respect, after this baptism, we shall always call him her.

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