Jerry Rice Thrown for Loop, Old Shoes and Tin Cans Next

DATELINE: Asterisk City

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Jerry Rice, Hall of Famer, has attacked Tom Brady and his Super Bowl victories as “cheating.” This paragon of moral virtue has come down from the mount to offer his holier-than-thou opinion.

We suspect he would defend Ray Lewis*, but has it in for Tom Brady. All this is part of a concerted plot by ESPN to disparage the New England Patriots and ESPN nemesis Bill Belichick.

Of course, Rice also duly noted a month earlier that during his entire career he used stickum to catch balls, even in his Super Bowls. This illegal substance had been banned since 1981. This dubious practice is illegal in NFL champion circles.

It was cheating, Mr. Rice*.

Why is it that people with the name Rice are throwing it around like we are at a wedding. That other Rice-a-roni guy used to beat his wife, but never cheated.

Jerry Rice wants to be an asterisk next to the name Tom Brady and suggests his legacy is tainted. This is part of a growing chorus of hypocrites and lowlifes. Yes, that means you, ESPN analyst*. This is a throwback to the Roger Maris asterisk of 50 years ago.

We presume it also applies to Jerry Rice* of the NFL Hall of Fame*.

Rice* issued a semi-apology later when the heat in the kitchen became too much for his delicate sensibility. He noted he had done his research (twenty years too late) and discovered he erred. But in his own case, Rice* feels to forgive, divine*.

He did not apologize for his own inflated ego. Where’s a deflation device when you need one? Let us be the first to offer a pin.

Jerry Rice* is a fraud.


Be sure to read Ossurworld’s new book: NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 2014 to follow the Super Bowl team from training camp to victory duck boat parade. Now available as an e-book and soon to be paperback.