Ossurworld NFL Awards Before the Rewards
With some much self-congratulation and selfies, we have decided to award some much deserved honor and heap accolades where heaps of rotten tomatoes might otherwise follow.
Most Likely to Cry After Super Bowl: Russell Wilson.
Hot Air Award: Indianapolis Colts for complaining about the air pressure of a football as an excuse for a terrible game!
Inspired Erotica Award: Rob Gronkowski for inspiring porn.
Fountain of Youth Award: Tom Brady for turning the clock backward and then looking younger and younger at every press conference.
Don Shula Award: Bill Belicheat.
Dumbest Guy from a Smart School: Richard Sherman of Stanford.
Smartest Guy with a General Studies Degree: Tom Brady of Michigan.
Best One Throw Quarterback: Julian Edelman.
Most Prolific TV Commercials Ad Nauseum: (tie) Peyton Manning and Aaron Rodgers.
Most Likely to Miss Super Bowl: Aaron Hernandez.
Not Mistaken for Vince Wilfork Award: Jonas Gray.
Player Likely to Beat Rap and Wife: Ray Rice.
Most Likely NFL Commissioner After Super Bowl: Roger Goodell.
Comebacker of the Year: Robert Kraft for demanding an apology.
Facebook Humor Award: Tom Brady for finding his childhood photographs and posting them all season.
Former Tight End Award: Nate Solder.
No Man is an Island Award: Darrelle Revis.
Biggest Embarrassment to the NFL: Ray Lewis.
Cute as a Button Award: Dont’a Hightower.
Most Likely to See Double: Devin McCourty
Most Likely to Replace Wes Welker: Danny Amendola
Most Likely to Sit Next to Tom Brady: Julian Edelman
Most Likely to Look Tom Brady at Navel Level: Josh McDaniels.
Say It Ain’t So Award: New England Patriots.
Most Likely to Sit Next to Bob Kraft Award When He Should Be Working: John Kerry.
Most Likely to Sit Next to Bob Kraft Award & Not Singing National Anthem: Jon Bon Jovi.
Best New Brady Bunch Mother: Gisele Bundchen.