State of Emergency, Chaos, Discord and the NFL

DATELINE: Goodell Had by All


Commissioner Roger Goodell gave a press conference to start Super Bowl weekend in which he played the role of Alfred E. Neumann. Yes, the famous Mad Magazine icon is a poor second fiddle next to the leader of the NFL.

In a speech that delineated the “State of the NFL”, Goodell seems to have struck a familiar theme: “What me worry?”

Goodell was not talking specifics or actually saying much of anything about anything, but no one would stop him from saying it.

He is not worried about his job. He already knows he is likely to be canned as much as tomorrow’s catch of tuna.

Goodell has not made any judgments about “Inflate-gate.”

He believes the leaks from his office are not giving away the store.

After dealing with child abusing players and wife beating players, Goodell has suddenly come to realize that this the year he must protect the integrity of the game.

He explained that “yours truly” has been doing a great deal of soul-searching. Apparently he has a Ouija Board in his office and listens for the Zen-Buddhist sound of one hand clapping. When he hears it, he knows NFL revenues are down.

Unfortunately, shutting the barn door after the horses have left is not a good strategy. Goodell feels his bosses (the owners) know how good he is at wearing a white hat and riding a white steed, even if the horse ran out of the barn.

Goodell went out on a limb and said he wanted to hire a medical chief to protect the health of players, coaches, and ball boys. Apparently this proposal rings of foreshadow of finding mental problems among those on the NFL payroll.