Tom Brady Opens the Bar at Patriots Place

DATELINE: BALL HUMOR

Gronking

After watching Bill Belichick’s performance as Captain Renault in Casablanca, a man who is shocked by gambling in a casino, Tom Brady came to his press conference in full Humphrey Bogart mode.

Like Rick, Tom may tell the Gestapo media, “I stick my neck out for no one.” Brady may have hangers on who will deflate footballs, but Tom never mingles with the customers.

After all, Gillette Stadium is Tom’s Place, and Brady knows a bit more about the usual suspects.

If Brady has the hidden letters of transit about the lost air in the footballs, he has asked Julian to play it again at the Super Bowl.

When Giselle walked into Gillette, Tom delivered his famous line: “Of all the football joints in all the world, she has to walk into mine.” No one has accused Giselle of deflating those balls.

Tom repeats his favorite phrase, “Play it, Julian. Play it.” And then laughs it off, “Here’s looking at you, fans.”

At his press conference we fully expected Brady to note, “I’m no good at being noble, fans. It doesn’t take much to see that the problems of deflated footballs don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy game of football. Someday the fans will understand that.”

If you watch the Super Bowl, we know already what the end of the game will be like when Bill Belichick and Tom Brady walk off the field together. Like Rick and Captain Renault, they will muse about where to go next. When Belichick notes that wherever he goes to coach, he wants Tom with him, there will be a spark big enough to inflate a dozen footballs. Then, they will realize, “This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

Exeunt Bill and Tom into the media fog.

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