Deflated Egos, Dollars, and Footballs

DATELINE: FARCE

Gronking

You can deflate the dollar, but please don’t deflate our footballs. Leave that psi at twelve pounds. Don’t ask for a pound of flesh. Just give us a pound of air pressure.

The NFL is apparently “distraught” over the dozen deflated balls that the Patriots provided for the AFC championship game. Well, eleven out of twelve. We believe that puts it in statistical certainty category.

Patriot haters are already crying foul. Yep, the cauldron is full of foul things, tossed in by corrupt players, officials, and owners.

You mean the game should be stopped? Some Rob Lowe Meathead types are calling for the Super Bowl to be forfeited by the Patriots. They cheated again—and were caught again.

Shame on the NFL twice, apparently.

Yes, cancel the Super Bowl and crown the Seattle Seahawks without playing a down. Well, fans, that isn’t going to happen. Do you know how many millions, if not billions, of dollars are now tied into Super Bowl weekend, Super Bowl week, Super Bowl promos, and every other money making idea wrenched out of the Super Bowl?

The economy of the world would go into Depression if the Super Bowl were forfeited and canceled. We are not even talking about personal depression of the millions of Meathead Rob Lowe types whose empty lives revolve around the NFL.

Every top-notch movie has a great villain, and the NFL has now cast their bad guys with impunity. It’s Evil Bill and his minion Biggy-Me, Gronk.

Yes, psi lovers, even Gronk has posted a laughable tweet showing himself in the process of deflating a football with one of his spikes.

Ban the spike, you say? Never happen, fans. Go on hating. It is big business at its best.

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