Bill Belichick’s Annual Xmas Production Delayed

DATELINE: CABLE TV FIASCO

   Belichick

Bill Belichick flew into San Diego this week with Gronk and Justin Bieber to film his annual Xmas TV special, but the production has been hijacked and may not see the airwaves or cablewaves before the holiday.

                            Gronk in Strait Jacket

Biebs Torments Gronk in Strait Jacket During Production

Each year for a limited time, you can hear and see the vivacious New England Patriot coach in all his glory, singing and dancing up a storm.

This annual tradition happens about as often as the Patriots going to the post-season. Like the endless showing of The Wizard of Oz on television for years or CNN coverage of protestors in Ferguson, the Belichick Xmas Special is beginning to wear on the nerves of NFL Network fans. The next time a group of NFL players has their hands up, it may be a request to save them from Belichick’s musical comedy.

Repeated and saved for posterity on CD and DVD, now streamed and tweeted, Belichick’s extravaganza has transcended YouTube and YourFace and MyBook, as Bill tells in his opening monologue.

Yes, you can watch again as Bill Belichick reads his favorite holiday stories like “T’was the Night Before the Super Bowl” and “How The Zebras Stole Xmas in Green Bay.”

Critics have described Belichick’s singing voice like Perry Como with dyspepsia or Justin Bieber burning rubber in a race car. Among the fun guest appearances are Rex Ryan as the Jolly Old Elf and Tiny Tim Vince Wilfork making a special pitch to God to “bless us every one on the Defensive Line.”

As a special treat done in animation, Aaron Hernandez shoots Alvin the Chipmunk from the driver’s seat of a rented sedan.

Not since the Pee Wee Herman Xmas special has there been such an array of perverse holiday cheer. Harold and Kumar served as advisors on the production.

A dramatized version of Charles Dickens classic story will be performed by the Patriots, featuring Bill Belichick as Scrooge, Tom Brady as Bob Cratchit, and Jonas Gray as Jacob Marley’s ghost.

Aaron Rodgers is expected to limn the role as the Grim Reaper, taking over from Peyton Manning who called in sick from eating too much pizza.

Right now, the casting of Tiny Tim with either Danny Amendola or Julian Edelman will be a game time decision. Rob Gronkowski hopes to play the spirit of Christmas to come at the climax with Justin Bieber sitting on his shoulder.

No holiday special would be complete without Bill singing some of the traditional songs of the season. He will belt out such hits as: “It Came Upon the Red Zone,” as well as “We Wish You a Brady Xmas.” This year he will also perform “Little Drummer Boy” with David Bowie.

You cannot afford to miss Bill’s special rendition of “Rex Ryan Got Run Over by a Patriot Wide Receiver.”

Bill will conduct the entire defensive line with a capella versions of “Away in a Playoff Berth,” “Little Town of Foxboro,” and a Super Bowl tribute with “God Rest Ye Merry Cheeseheads.”

Yes, fans, this will be a holiday special for the Ages.

NOTE: Bill Belichick Xmas Special is expected to be Available on CD and DVD in 3rd World Countries and the AFC East.

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