Sox Sign Another Ramirez Again

Hanny not Manny

DATELINE: Hannywood, Not Mannywood

The Red Sox can’t help themselves.

They have an organizational addiction. It may be an indication of unfinished business, or simple lack of control.

Yes, it’s happened again: the Sox are bringing another Ramirez back into the fold.

This time it’s the return of Ben Cherington’s first Ramirez, Hanley.

Yet, at the back of every Ramirez sighting, we feel the specter of Manny. We aren’t sure if Hanley being Hanley will top Manny being Manny.

There have been other Ramirezes in between, but those were one-night stands compared to this one. The Sox are shelling out big bucks for a five-year commitment. It’s a marriage guaranteed to keep a Ramirez in a Sox uniform until 2020 or until hindsight becomes clearer.

It could be worse. They could sign morons like the chicken and beer brigade. Oh, wait, they traded Hanley Ramirez for the ringleader of the chicken and beer brigade. So, this signing of free agent Hanley is actually a makeup to fans!

They are bringing back the original Hanley that was meant to be a Doppleganger of Manny. We had them together for a brief moment in time. Now, like Aulde Lang Syne gone awry, the Sox are returning the native.

Hanley is another shortstop, though wags are saying he will play leftfield or third base with equal aplomb. The Sox have one other weakness. It’s signing shortstops. To sign a shortstop who is also a Ramirez will kill two birds with one contract.

We love cheap sentiment, and signing Hanley gives us goosebumps.

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