David Ortiz Has Breakfast at Tiffany’s



ash wednesday

David Ortiz is a dupe.

Perhaps it is his accent that makes a vowel split the difference between dupe and dope. Only after he paid cash, his hard earned contract extension money, did he fork over a few bucks to have his gemstones appraised.

To his shock, he was told that his bling fails to meet the basic standards of bad taste. He is bedecked out like a Marie Antoinette lookalike at Halloween. All his family jewels are now subject to deflation.

No, Oritz is not taking dope. He is a dope. Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend, but Ortiz never shops Tiffany unless it’s for breakfast.

Now going public with his shortcomings, David Ortiz’s legal team is now suing a jewelry dealer for selling the big Pap zircons, not diamonds.


You’d think a man who often runs around the diamond would not be given the runaround over a diamond.

You might think it, but you’d be wrong. David Ortiz is taken in by shiny bling. He’ll pay you anything you want if you offer to sell him something that looks like a diamond.

So, Ortiz paid more cash than the average dumbbell for diamond earrings and other gems.

It now appears that David Ortiz likes to wear fool’s gold as the setting for his glass diamonds. In the world of David Ortiz, all that glitters is gold. And some of it may be platinum and diamonds.

The Beverly Hillbillies went to Beverly Hills because that’s where they belonged when they became nouveau riche. Ortiz probably has a cement pond to swim in and a billiards table that doubles as a fancy eatin’ table.

At least Jethro Bodine never spent money recklessly on fake gemstones, but he had a sixth grade education.

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