Tom Brady Squeaks By Vikings

DATELINE: HUMORESQUE

best buds

New England Patriot fans were relieved of their burden on Sunday. They were ready to hang Bill Belichick and Josh McDaniel in effigy and put Tom Brady out to pasture. Today the bluebird of happiness is singing at Foxboro.

Tom seemed to be on his feet most of the game and didn’t squeak like an old wheel, as he did last week, when he tried to get off the turf. He shaved off that hideous beard and returned to normalcy.

But, miracle upon miracles, the Patriots actually won the game with a handful of interceptions. Yes, the names we like to hear—Revis and Chandler Jones came up big.

Minime Welker, better known as Julian Edelman, also seemed to take on the spirit of Brady’s best receiver. Now that he has cut his hair and foregone his underwear, Julian is playing like a Minitron.

But, is all well in Patriot Land?

We think Tom Brady did not carry the game. He handed off to his nameless array of chuggers. If you were looking for big TD passes and impressive statistics, you’d have to return to the thrilling days of Tom’s youth.

We could excuse this as just the nature of Sunday’s game. His big targets (Danny & Gronk) were missing in action. They were out there. We saw them. They seem to be a rare sighting nowadays, like viewing an ivory-billed woodpecker. They are endangered, but still able to fly.

Of course, the Vikings were without their ace switchie man, Adrian Peterson. It appears he can only beat four-year olds nowadays.

We heard some fat moron who used to play basketball try to justify child abuse as an African American lifestyle. Oh, well, you hear lots of drivel on pre-game shows.

In any respect, if you want a definitive answer on the Patriots in 2014, we may need to wait till another day.

 

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