Salty Will Play for Peanuts


Image Mr. Saltalamacchia’s Paycheck Endorser

When the Red Sox declined to offer Jarrod Saltalamacchia a new contract after one of his best seasons, eyebrows were raised higher than roofbeams, carpenters.

Now with several catchers signed on the dotted line for the next few seasons, Salty remains the unsalted peanut still out there on the limb, waiting for squirrels.

It should follow, and has followed, that a national writer now hints that there is a mysterious medical condition lurking in Saltalamacchia’s MRI.

When Salty’s agent must issue a deniability statement, you know there is fire lurking behind the smoke screen.

Having played in over 120 games during the regular season, Salty made a mental blunder or two and found himself sharing a doghouse with Stevan Ridley.

And like Ridley, Salty is now looking for a permanent doghouse beyond the confines of friendly Fenway where he has few friends among the upper administrative levels.

What mystery illness ails Saltalamacchia? America’s got talent, but the gong is sounding all too often on an answer.

Can there be a version of Bard disease making its way among the Sox? We had no idea that lack of confidence was catchy among catchers. It may be the disease has gripped Ben Cherington who has lost his faith in Salty. Come  March we can likely presume that Cherington will rush into the negotiations with a one-year contract on the lines of Jason Varitek’s Waterloo.

If Salty doesn’t agree to return for peanuts, he may be buying Cherington lunch every day this season to win a chance to play.


Relive the thrilling days of the championship season by reading RED SOX 2013: NAKED CAME THE LINEUP.  It’s now available at in softcover and ebook.

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