Lester Pitches with Green Mold Growing on His Glove

 DATELINE: HUMOR!

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Satellite Photo of Lester’s Offending Glove (courtesy of Homeland Security)

With all the speculation that Clay Buchholz is doctoring the baseball, one of the minor league flaks of the St. Louis Cardinals has come out to say that Vaseline was clumped on the inside of Jon Lester’s glove.

Photographic evidence reveals something akin to a melted Gumby inside the glove. MLB says it’s inconclusive, and most of the Cardinal organization is running as fast as a Lester fastball away from the allegation.

Green globules inside the glove could be anything from antifreeze to keep the glove solvent, to a wad of chewed gum.

That the item seemed to glow in the dark has added a level of intrigue to the foreign substance. Lester admitted to the media that the photo looked bad, but refused to say what it was.

He did reiterate that he would do the same thing next time he pitched. The Boston media immediately accepted this as an excuse that served as a denial. It seemed to objective people to be neither an excuse, nor a denial.

Lester would do whatever he has been doing. And, everyone else in MLB happily ignored the byzantine substance and the odder comments by the Sox ace.

As for the National League pennant winners, the St. Louis team has certainly proven they have mastered the notion of rationalizing their defeat. Infielders say the surface of Fenway Park is not standard, and that has caused balls to bounce out of gloves in the infield.

In the meantime, pitchers on both the Sox and Cards scoured the Internet for bargain sales on green goup.

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